(I writes them not, I only shouts them.)
Lest someone forget to load but a powder-charge, 'twould be wise to plan for a stray cannon-ball. The safest place wouldst be with The League of Evil Geniuses. No God-fearing artilleryman darest point even an unloaded cannon in their direction.
(Dost anyone listen to me, though? We'll see how well they listen when their heads lie in the next room.)
Come one, come all, and join the League of Evil Geniuses as they induct new members unto their brotherhood, on the twentieth night of January, in the year of our Lord 2006! Enjoy delicacies and sweetmeats the far reaches of the world, libations from 'cross the sea and perhaps even from the mysterious East!
(Now where's me pay? I hears an ale-house crying for me...)